page 5 of 9

6. Be impossible.
Celebrities don't wait in lines, they don't order off the menu, and unlike regular people, who may have a pet peeve or two, celebrities have whole zoos. They're fussy, arbitrary, and domineering, and if you want to be a celebrity, you'll have to cultivate these characteristics too.

It's really pretty easy once you get the hang of it. Consider Siegel's take on a parameter of the Netscape table tag he apparently doesn't like: "If your site has even one table border turned on, you will not hear back from me."

Employees make great targets for your antics, so if you're lucky enough to have some, use them! Once again, Siegel shows how: "I put my foot on the side of his face and grind his head back and forth into the carpet." Actually, that's his cat Gizmo he's talking about, but you get the feeling he doesn't make much distinction between his pet and the people who work for him. To one he's applied the nickname "Sparky"; of another he says, "If Geoff (whom I have carefully trained) thinks it's good enough, he'll send it to me."

And in return, Siegel probably tosses Geoff a biscuit...

7. Tell all, yet retain a sense of mystery.
The most compelling celebrities reveal everything about their lives; they know the public's appetite for vicarious experience is immense. Thus, Siegel describes in painstaking detail his failed relationship with a woman named Sabine, his showers with his cat, his desire for a Swiss woman, his lack of a sex life, the bugs in his mushrooms...

And so on and so on and so on.

Previous Contents Next