ANITA enters stage-left.

ANITA: Hi, Bigfoot.

Bigfoot dabs his paw in whipped cream...

BIGFOOT: In the mood for a little dessert?

ANITA (licking Bigfoot’s paw): Mmmm-hmmm.

BIGFOOT: Good. Because today we are going to educate your palate.

Anita picks up the cake-decorating bag. She tips her head back, then squeezes the bag. A long, creamy rope of frosting oozes out of it, into her open mouth.

BIGFOOT (CONT'D): Ahh, so you’re starting already, are you? (Bigfoot starts to make a crust) Now, Anita, I imagine as an adult video performer, you must have to deal with a lot of stereotypes and misperceptions.

ANITA: Oh, that’s so true. People just think you’re this sleazy spunk-puppet.

Bigfoot places the crust on a flat round baking pan.

ANITA (CONT'D): And maybe some girls in the business are. But, me, for example, I have standards. Like, I mean, I would never mix anal with food prep.

BIGFOOT: Of course, of course. Now as I trim this crust, Anita, why don’t you tell us about your interest in calligraphy?

ANITA: How’d you know about that? Did you read that interview I did in Donkey Slammers?

BIGFOOT: Oh, is that where I saw it?

ANITA: Well, it’s true, I do love calligraphy.

BIGFOOT: OK, we’re done here. Now we just need to melt some butter.

Bigfoot chops a cube of butter in half, then throws one half in a large skillet. As Bigfoot melts the butter, Anita starts licking the rolling pin. Soon, she’s plunging it deep into her mouth.

BIGFOOT (CONT’D): So, calligraphy - how’d you get interested in that, Anita?

ANITA: Mmmfpphfhh.

BIGFOOT: Excuse me?

Anita removes the rolling pin from her mouth.

ANITA: Well, Bigfoot. I’m a very sensuous person. But I have a brainy side too. The brain is the second most important sex organ, you know. After the joy-nubbin.

BIGFOOT: Absolutely. (Beat) Well. I think the butter’s done. Now we’ll just glaze.

Bigfoot starts to pour the butter on the crust.

ANITA: With calligraphy, you can take your deepest, most profound thoughts, and give them a tangible, tactile grace.

BIGFOOT: Nicely said, Anita.

Anita picks up the skillet, opens her mouth wide, and begins to slowly engulf it. As the outlines of the skillet take shape in Anita’s neck, Bigfoot takes notice.

BIGFOOT (CONT’D): Oh my lord! What a tremendous talent!

Anita starts to cough slightly, as if choking.

BIGFOOT (CONT’D): Anita?! Are you OK? (Beat) You’re choking? OK. OK. No reason to panic. I know the Heimlich...

Bigfoot positions himself behind Anita. He puts his arms around her tiny waist and locks them just beneath ribcage. Then he squeezes. Hard. Nothing happens.

BIGFOOT (CONT'D): Harder? Bigfoot keeps squeezing. He keeps asking: “Harder?” Soon, both he and Anita are grunting and groaning. Is Anita dying? Is Bigfoot climaxing?

Finally, Bigfoot squeezes Anita extra hard. The skillet pops out of her throat like a cork.

ANITA: I told to you to use a whole stick of butter...

BIGFOOT: I know - but half seemed like plenty.

ANITA: I almost died.

BIGFOOT: Now, now, honey, you’re gonna be all right. (Beat) Have an egg beater.

BIGFOOT hands Anita an egg-beater. She starts to deep-throat it.

BIGFOOT (CONT'D): Well, cooks. I think we learned an important lesson today. Never scrimp on ingredients! And always follow the recipe. Thank you for watching. And, please, come again next week, won’t you? Bon appetit!