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I, for one, am betting on Tesh-themed restaurants. Just imagine it--fake sand on the floors, E.T. playing soundlessly on big-screen monitors while huge speakers pump out Emmy-award-winning Tesh tunes in all their calisthenic grandeur. And in the middle of the place, the restaurant's real show-stopper, the gimmick that will push it past the Hard Rock Café, Planet Hollywood, and every other celebrity restaurant in the universe: a twenty-foot high plastic dessert volcano, spectacularly spewing complimentary soft-serve vanilla ice cream for all.

Whatever his next move is, rest assured that we at Traffic will report it to you in the Tesh Files. Because Tesh is too complex to cover in a single column--or even in a three-part series--the Tesh Files are going to be a regular feature in future issues of Traffic. Look to these pages for continual meditations, appreciations, deconstructions, and disquisitions on all things Tesh: his childhood, his current projects, his dreams, his secret fears.

Certainly, this is not a project that one person alone can adequately address. So if you have any facts, anecdotes, rumours or daydreams about the man, please send them along. People who have had real-life brushes with Tesh, who own all of his CDs, or who have kept a detailed log of Entertainment Tonight broadcasts since the late 1980s are especially encouraged to reply.