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And, of course, there's his much-trumpeted "faithfulness" to his wife. At best, this "faithfulness" is tenuous. Stern routinely ogles, fondles, spanks, paints, shaves, and verbally fucks a Felliniesque procession of strippers, whores, starlets, bimbos, groupies, and horny Long Island housewives. If, after all this, Stern is not an adulterer, then he is not an adulterer in the same way that Charles Manson is, technically, not a killer. But put issues of semantics and intent aside for a moment; here's the real question: who is Stern being faithful to? Can he really believe that his wife feels O.K. about his habitual transgressions because he hasn't actually left any semen in some extra-marital orifice? Of course not. Stern's faithfulness is not directed toward his wife, but toward his fans. The moment he actually penetrates one of the beauties who visit his show, he will set himself apart from them. They can identify with his unfulfilled masturbatory panting, because they're in the same position: looking, wanting, but unable to actually partake...

But actual penetration? That's for celebrities. If Stern ever loses his self-control, he'll start to lose his fans as well.

A contender for the crown
In contrast to Stern, Tesh unequivocally meets the four requirements of the King's List. First, he works in several different mediums. Second, his work in each medium is distinct. Unlike Stern, who simply repurposes his radio show to fit TV and publishing formats, Tesh creates original material for each new medium: his music is different from his anchorguy work, which in turn is different from his sporting event commentary. Throw in his acting and his infomercial hosting, and it becomes quite apparent that Tesh's ouvre is much more diverse than Stern's.