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August 18, 2005
Tribute to Exploitation

David Horowitz says Cindy Sheehan is exploiting the death of her son Casey. Rush Limbaugh says she's dishonoring her son's actions, and being exploited by "left-wing kooks."

But as Soundbitten reader "Stinkeye" points out, "Obviously the purity of the neocons prevented them from exploiting poor dead football playin', looks good in a uniform, Pat Tillman. That would have been wrong. The mythologizing of Jessica Lynch's service most certainly was not a cynical ploy to bring tears to the eye and stir the loins of potential fodder..."

So in these days of partisan polarization, what constitutes a "tasteful tribute" and what constitutes "crass exploitation"? Below, a rough guide...

Posted by Greg Beato at 10:54 AM
August 17, 2005
Short Report

From the Washington Times:

Q: Do you have now in your possession, or have you ever had a pair of form fitting lycra shorts?

Bush: No, I have not, and probably won't have them. (Laughter.) I mean, there are certain things that age brings with it, and not wearing the form fitting lycra short is one of them, if you know what I mean.

Actually, what the hell does he mean? The President is worried his ass is too big? He's got cellulite? That mysterious bulge in his "Mission Accomplished" costume was really just some kind of communications device he uses to take cues from Cheney?

Posted by Greg Beato at 10:44 AM
August 16, 2005
Ain't Gonna Play Sin City

Mary Carey aside, President Bush and his hand-picked pecksniffs in the DOJ are generally committed to battling the porn industry. But apparently even they won't stand for the carnal apartheid ICANN is trying to implement:

The Bush administration is objecting to the creation of a .xxx domain, saying it has concerns about a virtual red-light district reserved exclusively for Internet pornography.

Indeed, marginalization equals stigmatization. Only by integrating double-penetration foot fetish videos into the fabric of every day Web commerce will porn lose its gloss of sin. The Bush Administration should be commended for taking this brave stand against the false gods of "separate but equal."

Posted by Greg Beato at 10:25 PM
Combat Jock!

Which White House reporter will offer the most sycophantic portrait of President Bush's annual Dubyaland Follies this year? On Sunday, Washington Times scribe Bill Adair produced a profile that will be extremely hard to top:

The president's clothes show his favorite sport can be dangerous. His mountain biking shorts have holes on the front from last month's high-speed wipeout on a slick road in Scotland....

Wait. Biking? Dangerous? Isn't biking a little, you know, European? Oh, right, not the way President Bush does it:

Bush is not interested in road biking, a long-distance endurance test in which the riders wear tight Lycra pants and often shave their legs. Bush says he won't wear Lycra or shave his legs.

Coincidentally, Hillary Clinton says exactly the same thing -- maybe she'll make a pretty good president after all. Meanwhile, you know what? If the Pentagon gave out Purple Hearts for mountain biking injuries, then President Bush would have almost as many Purple Hearts as John Kerry:

Sweat drips from his chin. There's blood on his hand and the back of his leg from scrapes with branches and his pedals, but nothing serious. He high-fives everybody and declares it a "fantastic way to start a Saturday."

Posted by Greg Beato at 05:10 PM
August 15, 2005
Fair and pH Balanced

Most viewers choose Fox News because it gently cleanses, conditions, and detangles current events, rehydrating them with specially formulated GOPoganda for unsurpassed manageability, elasticity and shine. But Fox also makes the news fun. Indeed, would the dull and lifeless liberal idealogues at ever devote a feature to their news anchors' hair?

Posted by Greg Beato at 02:18 PM
Balancing Act

Cindy Sheehan is still camped out in Crawford, but President Bush believes meeting with her may upset his cosmic equilibrium. "It's also important for me to go on with my life, to keep a balanced life," he told reporters this past weekend.

How does a busy executive like the President maintain balance these days? The Cox News Service provides the details: "In addition to the two-hour bike ride, Bush's Saturday schedule included an evening Little League Baseball playoff game, a lunch meeting with Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice, a nap, some fishing and some reading."

Posted by Greg Beato at 09:03 AM