NBC hasn't been the same since Suddenly Susan departed, MSNBC has always been a mess, CNBC crashed with the stock market, and Bravo has never given its corporate overlords much to cheer about. In short, there's a lot to make over in that media monolith, which is probably why the bigwigs there are making such intramural use of Queer Eye For the Straight Guy's Fab Five. Yesterday, they were guesting on MSNBC's Buchanan and Press, tomorrow they're scheduled to renovate Jay Leno.

As humanitarian causes go, that's pretty ambitious, of course, but why not think even bigger? Under the command of the Drab Five (Bush, Cheney, Rumsfeld, Powell, and Wolfowitz: five gray men out to make over the world!), the U.S. continues to meet with resistance from the natives: perhaps it's time for the lighter touch and less ambitious approach of the Fab Five.

Indeed, think about how the latter work their magic. Like the Drab Five, they start with some spectacular shock and awe, invading en masse and bombarding their target with precision-guided invective. But after that initial assault, they make it clear that they're as collaborators, not conquerers. After providing a day's worth of advice and assistance, they step aside completely, leaving their charges to actually complete their makeover processes themselves. And sometimes those charges remember to shave with the grain, and sometimes they don't.

Nonetheless, the Fab Five never try to accomplish too much. Instead of insisting that schlubby straight guys transform themselves into carbon copies of perfectly accessorized gay men, they merely introduce them to ridiculously expensive grooming products. And from there - who knows? Maybe some of the guys eventually turn gay, at least after a few drinks. And maybe all they do is fuss with their hair a little more than usual until the free product runs out. Whichever the case, the Fab Five simply moves on: they're liberators, not occupiers; they know that true change always comes from within.

From AVN Online: "When AVN Online contacted FOX News Channel's Manhattan HQ to request an interview with Bill O'Reilly, his assistant wondered aloud why an adult-oriented publication would want to write about The O'Reilly Factor. After being reminded how frequently O'Reilly presents stories on the subject of sex, the assistant agreed to submit the request. His boss declined the interview anyway, claiming time constraint."

The article explains how O'Reilly attracts an audience by featuring plenty of sleazy stories, then spends air-time "virtually every night...urging his viewers to log onto www.foxnews.com and buy at the e-store."

Hey, Bill, doesn't it hurt your feelings when people judge you and call you whore?